TheMarketForIdeas

“God has a special providence for fools, drunkards, and the United States of America.”

― Otto von Bismarck

America was going through a tough period during the 1700s. The constant fight against British oppression led to the Revolutionary War, which ended on the 4^th of July in 1776, after many casualties on both sides. The economy was devastated and many Americans were left in great poverty due to these events. However, one young man from Massachusetts would find himself constantly “failing upwards” into a life of luxury, against all odds.

A fool’s origins

Born in Malden, Massachusetts, in the year 1747, to a family of poor farmers, young Timothy abandoned his studies at the age of eight to work as a farmhand and leatherworker. These jobs weren’t highly respected, but the pay was more than enough. Even though he was making a decent wage, Dexter wanted more from his life.

At the age of 21, equipped with only a bindle and high hopes, he left to Charlestown, Boston’s leatherworking hub. It was here where he met Elizabeth Frothingham, a newly widowed woman whom was married to one of his former leather associates. The young man, enamoured not by her beauty or charm, but by the size of her wealth, quickly took the woman’s hand in marriage.

It’s all about the title

Now that he had acquired a great deal of money, Dexter wanted a position of power, so he decided to run for Office. Of course, the diplomats of Malden would never accept someone that didn’t even finish their education into such a position, but after countless petitions sent in by Dexter, they eventually grew tired of his antics and appointed him the official “Informer of Deer”, where he would document the habits of the local deer population.

The only problem was that there never were any deer in Malden to begin with, thus, Dexter was left with a meaningless title.

We never know who Lady Luck takes a liking to

Now it was time for our “hero” to set his sights on greater financial ventures. Before we continue to his baffling financial success, we must first establish a bit of context.

In 1775, during the American Revolution, the Continental Congress decided to establish their own currency, known as the “Continental Dollar”. Shortly after, the Revolutionary War started, which caused this form of currency to plummet in value due to excess printing. The Continental Army was paid using these dollars and, after the war, many veterans were left destitute. Dexter saw that many wealthy individuals were buying these dollars as a form of “donating” to the veterans and so he decided that he should do the same, spending exorbitant amounts of money on these worthless pieces of paper.

By all accounts, this blunder should have left him in ruin, but, by some miraculous stroke of luck, after the Constitution was ratified, the government decided that these dollars could be traded in for treasury bonds worth 1% of their face value. As buybacks began, Dexter’s enormous stockpile skyrocketed in value.

Wealth truly changes a man

Finding himself with more money than he could ever spend in an entire lifetime, Dexter purchased one of the most luxurious mansions on the market, started throwing outrageous parties and even commissioned 40 statues of “America’s Greatest Heroes”, one of which was of himself.

Of course, even though he fancied himself quite the aristocrat, his peers saw through his wealthy façade and knew he was only an incoherent, bumbling fool, so they started giving him bad financial advice on purpose.

The man who sold coals to Newcastle

Some humorous pieces of advice that he received instead backfired spectacularly, leading to more wealth in Dexter’s pocket. Shipping warming pans, dishes on long poles used for heating up a bed in winter, to the Caribbean, a tropical paradise where no such device was needed would surely lead to his ruin, right? As it turns out, the locals used them as ladles for sugar and molasses refineries, a booming industry in the area. The pans were sold at an 80% markup and they sold out almost immediately.

Dexter was then told to, quite literally, carry coal to Newcastle, which was an idiom used to describe a pointless task, seeing as Newcastle was one of the world’s biggest producers of coal. By the time the shipment arrived, the miners in Newcastle had actually gone on strike, leading to Dexter once again selling the entire shipment at a hefty markup and lining his pockets even more.

By this time, Dexter fancied himself quite the speculator. One time, he rounded up a bunch of stray cats and sent them to the Caribbean, where they were purchased en masse to deal with rat infestations. Another time, he bought up tons of whale bones from Boston right around the time men started wearing corsets in France, leading to a higher demand for whale bones.

Appearances deceive

Despite seeming like quite the business savvy person, Dexter’s personal life was far from normal. He hired a local fishmonger named Jonathan Plummer to write poems for him, had a son and a daughter which were described respectively as “a half-mad drunk and a completely mad drunk” and despised his wife to the point that he told his guests he was unmarried and the old woman was just a ghost in his house.

One day, he decided to fake his own death, complete with a lavish funeral service just to see who would show up. Around 3.000 people attended the funeral. Despite trying to stay out of sight the entire time, when Dexter saw that his wife wasn’t crying, he jumped out and started hitting her upside the head with a cane in front of everybody.

A final toast to the world’s luckiest man

Dexter’s actual death was in 1806. Before he passed, he divided his estate equally to his wife, children and friends, in order to atone for his foolish behaviour. Today, he has faded from public memory, buried by the sands of time. A salute to the world’s luckiest man, who probably snuck into Heaven when God Himself wasn’t paying attention. May his luck find us in all our business endeavours!

References:

Crockett, Zachary. 2015. The Strange Life of “Lord” Timothy Dexter. Priceonomics.com https://priceonomics.com/the-strange-life-of-lord-timothy-dexter/

Gencarella, Stephen. 2018. Wicked Weird & Wily Yankees: A Celebration of New England's Eccentrics and Misfits. Globe Pequot. pp. 1-14. ISBN 978-1-4930-3267-9.

Landrigan, Leslie. 2024. Timothy Dexter, the Ridiculous Millionaire Who Sold Coals to Newcastle. New England Historical Society. https://newenglandhistoricalsociety.com/timothy-dexter-ridiculous-millionaire-sold-coals-newcastle/?utm_content=cmp-true

Nicholas, Margaret. 1984. The World's Greatest Cranks and Crackpots, ISBN 978-0-7064-1713-5, pp. 147-151.

Stillman, Jim. 2006. Lord Timothy Dexter of Newburyport, Massachusetts: Wealthy by Mistake?. Yahoo! Contributor Network. Archived from the original on July 19, 2012.